Age: 14 weeks, 5 days

(Maureen, our labor doula, with Phoebe)

This morning I had my first filling! Pretty good to be having a first cavity at 37 years old. Let's hope that Phoebe inherits my teeth!

Last night was eventful once more. We got hardly any sleep between us. In the end we let her go to sleep on her tummy, then waited until she was deeply asleep to flip her onto her back. It worked the first time, but when I fed her at 4am, let her fall asleep, then flipped her, only 20 minutes later she had flipped again. At which point she was distressed on her back, tummy or side. In the end I had to feed her until she fell asleep then I dozed in the glider until she was so fast asleep that I could put her on her back.

In the day, though, she is such a happy and contented little soul. Yesterday afternoon our labor doula, Maureen came to visit. She hadn't seen Phoebe since she was a week old. Phoebe very happily settled in her arms and fell asleep. This morning, while I was at the dentist, since Dan was on a work call, she was looked after by Dawn. Dawn keeps threatening that she is going to kidnap her. It's just the feeding and the nappy changing that she's not so sure about...

Anyhow, apparently she was a good girl while I was away. I'm pleased to say that she's increasingly good at going to other people. Particularly people that she knows and loves.

It was like summer today - in the seventies - so we took a walk in Central Park, and I sat and fed her in the children's playground. I love watching the nannies and moms in the park. There was a gaggle of moms and toddlers picnicking. Phoebe watched all the children with delight, sitting on my knee, pushing herself forward as if trying to fly whilst humming and cooing.

8.31PM I am sitting by the side of her crib writing this. She is asleep on her tummy. I know, I seem obsessed by this whole tummy thing. Bed time was a struggle. She was so tired and yet completely unable to wind down. Sometimes I feel completely inadequate in helping her, despite the fact that I spend many hours trying to figure out how best to make sure that she doesn't get overtired. Why is sleep such a struggle? I have wondered if it's a survival mechanism. Some sort of deeply ingrained instinct to try and stay awake at all costs, and therefore not be vulnerable to attack. Hmm. Who knows. All I know is that in 14 years time we will be having a struggle getting her out of bed and not into bed.

During the whole bedtime struggle, there was one moment of magic. I tried singing to her, it usually makes her even more frustrated, but this time she relaxed, looked me right in the eye and smiled. She then continued to smile as I sang. I fetched the guitar, thinking that if I just sang and played next to her she might feel less alone and the music might send her to sleep. Plus it gives me some practice time. She was definitely mesmerized by the sounds, although I was unable to send her to sleep.

Here I sit until she is deeply enough asleep that I feel I can turn her without waking her...